Novemberr=)

Wow, I think this semester is going by super fast now kinda haha. Life's still busy as ever, and homework every night, studying every night, projects every other day! Its crazyy haha. So I went
to the UofC open house last weekend, and wow haha. I saw so much, and it was pretty darn amazing. I got so much information from like every single booth from the 2 1/2 hours we were in
there! I thought it kinda helped me but Im still pretty lost on it. Hopefully something will pop up and I'll be like wow I want to do that for the rest opf my life haha. I guess the main thing right now is focusing on my classes right now, and needing to bring my marks up. For the past month I've been trying to drop spanish because I dont like it anymore and I want to focus on my 3 main course subjects, not a language. My teacher and guidance counsellor won't let me drop it so Im there till end of February... haha mann.

Well besides school, life has been pretty chillin haha. 3 day weekend and Christmas is coming soon! haha. Oh christmas break =D, Im so excited. Oh and the christmas play at church, rehearsals galore too, Im defs excited for that. I feel so happy haha cause Im actually not doing homework or anything right now, so Im pretty relaxed right now=). wow... whats there to say. Im content with life.

Life with God has been good too. I'm still doing devotions and all the good stuff haha. Junior church, sunday school has been super amazing. I feel so proud I can help other people in Junior church. Yah I know its weird in a way because I still remember my Junior church days and I look back at all my old memory verses and crafts we did. I just want to have that passion to teach it and same with everyone else doing it too. I want to be dedicated in doing it and hopefully all the best. I love churchh haha.

Lifes been good, family's good. Im pretty much good to go ;).

Mid-October blogg=)

So schools been crazily busy as ever haha. mann it feels like I have no time for anything except homework and studying. This is my new life, I swear it is haha. Its only mid october but post secondary is all over in my head right now. I honestly dont know what I want to do after highschool.. and it suckss man. I've been praying for forever and I guess its all I can do. CRAZINESS haha... I think that sums it all up.

Life in general hasnt been that bad, I guess. Busy too... with my family and all. We'll see where God takes me in life you know. I've also been praying for my brother's post secondaey, because I dont know where it's taking him, hes applied in a couple places. Wow I remember when I was younger and I always wanted a sister because my brother and I were total oppposite. Now that my brother might be going away for post secondary, I feel soo bad. All those days of him and I going separate ways and I usually dont see my brother that often, maybe like once or twice a day. I think my family and I should all go shopping this weekend=), that would be amazing!

So back to school again haha... we dissected lamb hearts today in bio and I almost threw up haha.. ew it was so gross=(. oh and in bio we're going on a field trip! Rafting down the bow river and then looking at sewers eww haha. school is making me go crazy.

anyways off to do devotionss. this blog was rushed but at least I blogged..=) talk soon.

back to school.

Im back to school now... grade 11 haha. soo busy with my first semester. I already got homework on the very first day of school... wow how sad is this? haha. yah anyways though summer was amazing as I wrote on my last entry, and camp was even better=). wow it was soo good haha. Everything just happened and I really felt God there with me. This summer really showed me what true friends were though; I have no regrets and im so glad I got close with soo many other people. I learned so much and im so thank ful. I guess since summer is like over, Im more focusing on school now as I said my first semester is busy. So you know with bio and math and social, and spanish. I just have a good feeling about this year though... I dont know maybe cause im in tune with God once again and it just makes school that much better.

You feel different, and I feel different after coming back from camp... and Im taking that feeling and experince with me to school. I know im taking that step of faith this year. Hopefully everything works out for the better and school wont be that stressful ;).

Im waiting for summer 08 haha. I have good feelings about next summer.. or maybe its just me and my optimistic ways ;). anyways though, hopefully I will figure out all my post secondary plans and get everything in order so I know what Im doing for the rest of my life haha. Yah, well I need to go get my life in order now... and it should be good to go=).

summer 07 is almost at end.

I cant believe dvbs is over... I havent blogged for soo long and my last blog, that I wrote, it talked about us planning dvbs and its finally over. Im really gunna miss seeing those kids; and hanging out with Eva and Alex everyday haha. anyways though, eva leaves to vegas todayy=( and I need to go shopping and packk. wow this summer has been really amazing.. Dvbs is definitely an experience I will not forget, ever. This year the training year has been soo good. Geoffrey did alot for us, and in the end I never really got a chance to thank him for all hes done. anyways I have lots to do still so I have to make it a really short blogg... I'll try more to blog soon again. I will miss you summer 07.

Its been awhile...

Wow, I haven't blogged for awhile now. Life has been SO busy, like you dont even know. VBS is still in the planning stage; well the late planing stage, because we have 3 weeks before it is up and running, oh man Im excited. I thought CALM would be almost over... I thought this friday was the very last day, and I was wrong. I have another 3 weeks! omigosh.. I swear these are the longest 6 weeks of my life haha. Anyways yah life has been pretty alright, just busy that's all. My finals are coming up =/... I have my english part one final this thursday and my science final on monday=/. Im scared haha, at this moment I'am multitasking=); doing calm, stuyding, and VBS.

I dont know... I just have lots going on...I have so much to do that I haven't gone shopping for a whole MONTH! omigosh... haha wow, thats crazyy. I'm not stressed or anything right now; just going crazy=). I for sure know that the vbs orientation is this friday and I have lots to plan out and stuff, but I know that this whole weekend, I'll be studying for science... ahh. Dang, it's pretty sad to know that I forgot my science final was right on monday morning... and I made all these plans for this weekend arlready=(. Well if I think about it on the bright side, after this monday final, I just have one more exam to go and I'll be good to go for summer 07.

It's hard to believe that my first year of high school went by soo fast. I remember summer 06 and all those vbs memories... wow, I miss it all. Then it comes by again, just like stampede..=). Back to school again though... am I transfering to another high school next year or am I staying? Ahh im so lost about that. Im like on waiting lists and all but I guess I dont have the time to wait. I've been praying to God to keep myself together and be patient and to stay strong no matter what. There has been those days where I've really felt like giving up on everything, because I had school to do, vbs planning, calm online, then finals. Seriously I really didnt think I could do it. Until I flipped open my spritual journal and this verse fell out: "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…." Psalm 37:7.

I know I got this; anyways I need to get studying now before I cram this weekend=(... see you friday... VBS ORIENTATION AT 7:30PM... VOLUNTEERS MUST ATTEND=).

Oh mann

Ahh why is life being so hard on me right now?... Geez.

=/.

Uh... no comment.

=/ Oh man Im tired tonight. Maybe cause I was doing calm for 4 hours and studying for science and all. I dont know I feel pretty dead tonight, also kinda feeling down and I dont know why. Im feeling kinda sick too and I dont know why?... ahh man whats happening to me? Maybe its my fault for only sleeping 6 hours every night for the past 2 weeks. Is that it? Lack of sleep? whatever it is... it's getting to me and its hitting me hard. I feel like dying right now haha, thats my feeling.. k not dying but some where close to that. Yah haha... anyways as my whole "no shopping" thing comes to an end this coming weekend, I really dont have time to shop anyways, so I'll put it off for another 2 weeks I think.

I dont know but why is everything so busy now? Cause school's coming to and end?(4 more weeks left) and everyone's starting to work hard now cause of finals?. Or is it summer or soon to be and the teachers are driving us like crazy with the work. whatever it is... Im feeling drained.... to the extreme. I dont feel stress though.. stupid calm. I am very much disliking it; the assignments are so confusing. I should stop complaining though cause I'm the one who chose to do it online....=/ this is what I get.

Ok so VBS... things seem to be coming along slowly but surely.. As the anticipation builds up within me=). Wow if I cant handle this then how am I gunna survive VBS.. 8 hours with kids?=) definitely worth it though=). anyways yes I'am feeling so dead tonight, I'm peacing it=).

So out of it.

Oh man.. Its been a busy week, it went by really fast though but Im so tired. usually on weekdays I don't know whats been happening but I've been waking up at like 5:45am every morning, only getting around 6 hours of sleep. I get home and I like literally run to the phone and start booking the places for VBS haha. Since I get home like 10 minutes before 4, I need to call before the offices and stuff close at 4, yah its been busy and I've been doing it for awhole week know haha. I guess Im adjusting to it. Anyways as you know I haven't shopped for 2 weeks now (excluding vbs supplies, gifts for others, and mothers day gifts). I still go the mall and all, I just stay away from AE that's all haha. I dont walk by it cause I know if I do then I'll go in there and buy everything haha. I do find that I have more time doing other things now that I cut back on shopping. Wow that's crazy... I actually can survive this whole "no shopping" thing, Im proud=).

K new topic=) haha, I watched spiderman 3 twice=). I'm not a big spiderman fan so I thought it was ok.. I know I even went twice with the same people too haha. OH man Calm 20 haha... is it cause Im a asian so im a keener also? finishing a weeks worth of assignments to get ahead? Maybe, cause thats what I did.. I finished a whole week's worth of assignments to get ahead haha. wow Im really tired now... at least today I woke up at 7am! Getting 6 hours of sleep again.. I dont know whats really been on my mind. I dont feel stressed but in a way kind of, with 4 more weeks of school left then its VBS from there on.

New topic again haha, these koreans at school thought I was korean and they started talking to me in korean and then they said something to me and I didnt understand, so I nodded my head and smiled haha. Then they looked at me and one of the girls was like "he just asked you for a smoke" and im like "Oh.. im so sorry but I dont smoke." I walked away so fast and hopefully I never have to talk to them again haha. yah thats my school life=) exciting or what.. Im actually korean at school?...

Anyways thats an update on my life- Im offf=).

SOO much..

Wow... there's so much to do for VBS haha. Or maybe it just feels like it cause I've never done this before. I should start calling up places and booking it all=) for summer 07! I've been researching them on the internet, so I have all their contact numbers. I guess everything's going pretty good so far; we got alot done yesterday, and Im proud haha. I've been so tired lately though, and I dont know why haha... I've been going to sleep before 11:30 too! I need to get used to it I guess, well I know the next 2 months is going ot be soo busy and Im going to say stressful too. On top of VBS planning and all, Im starting CALM20(online) this monday and it goes till June. Im excited but scared. I feel like Im not going to be able to handle all that, but I know I can. Im just scared, well the nervous/excited type of scared.

Wow, but I think this school year has gone by so fast and it just reminded me that I was suppose to drop off my transfer school forms last week.. DANG I like missed the deadline like 2 months ago haha, but they're still accepting. I dont know now, Manning is "ok", I like the people and it has taught me to go out of your comfort zone and make friends. This year was pretty unforgettable, yah I really miss my central friends and it has taught me to keep going on without them;and here I am.. I've made a few really close friends at Manning; I got to meet soo many new people. This is hard... I dont know if I want to stay at Manning or not anymore? I remember last year I said that I'll be at Manning for one year to be with half of my friends and also I made new friends too=). Then I would transfer to Central to be with my other friends.

That lady never told me the central transfer deadline was in March, and now its May... They're still accepting but Central is pretty full almost. I dont know.. I have alot on my mind right now and transfering schools isnt that big of a deal, well kinda. I dont really like Manning but I like the people. I like Central AND the people there. I have to plan VBS AND take calm online. I have school to balance out with Sunday school/junior church planning. Yes welcome to my life=). Im in definite need of prayers before I go crazy..

I'll make it official.

Ok I've officially decided... no more shopping for 3 weeks... starting May 1st=) haha. I'm broke again, after me going crazy at the mall today. Oh man I'll miss American Eagle=(. I can do this.. If I can survive 6 weeks of VBS..3 weeks will be nothing right? haha I need to occupy myself with other interests like... facebook? I'll make Geo proud when I accomplish this=). I think no one will actually believe me doing this. Tanya Kwong- 3 weeks of no shopping at all. I can window shop; but its not as fun as "real" shopping. I can do this.. I got this.

Yes I do=). I believe in myself=D. Be Optimistic.. its only 3 weeks. I have bestfriends that support me right? haha.

Chillin' with spring=).

Yes Im so glad its offcially spring and the warm weather is here! Its all good=). I hope my voice gets better though, so at least I can teach sunday school on sunday, aw yeah. Anyways as I was planning and all last week, for sunday school I noticed the weirdest thing. All my church stuff goes missing haha.. seriously. First I lost my bible, then my junior church lessons, third my sunday school book, and fourth... the candygrams people gave me; not all, just half. I really dont know where it all went, seriously I've lost it all, well I dont know if it got stolen or I lost it but who would want my church stuff? haha really.. In a way it makes me mad kind of, cause really thats my stuff haha.

I dont know if it actually all disappears into wherever or am I actually losing it all by misplacing it?. Seriously though... where did it all go?.. It makes me mad... I need to plan my lessons and I like keeping my candygram messages to read over AND I miss my bible=(. sigh.. where or where did you all go?..

again?...

Definitely needing more prayers for VBS please=). The adrenaline is building haha. Anyways, I was talking to Karen on sunday morning about why Im doing VBS and how Im not taking summer school instead. Im thinking of taking bio20 and bio30 next year so I can write a diploma next year so I dont stress too much on gr.12. Karen said it was a good idea, and people said it was good and bad. I have an appointment with my counsellor tomorrow morning to change my courses for next year to bio 20 and 30. I dont know if its the right thing to do or not?....

oh man...=S.

summer '07

Wow, long time no blog. Life's been busy. So busy haha. Well in the past few weeks, lots has happened I guess. On my last blog I said I wasnt moving=), definitely been happy about that. Right after that I got to go back to doing everything again. So you know getting settled back in was time consuming for sure haha. Anyways as I go on with life now, um school. Im not taking summer school and chose to teach at VBS instead. In a way I keep thinking on "Was this what God really wanted me to do?" I dont know.. I did feel rushed to get into VBS but I kept getting extra time. Just like my moving thing.. it took over a month until I finally got the final answer. Same for VBS except I had like 2 weeks. Compare both and thats what I mean of "rushed".

I dont know though.. I'll have a full schedule next year though because I was suppose to be taking physics 20 this summer but I cant so I guess I have to drop legal studies and take all 3 sciences next year. Then I'll officially go insane=). 3 sciences to "keep my options open", hmm dietician nutritionist?... yup thats what I want to be and thats what I wanted to be since September haha. Who knows I might change again..? I've been asking people about taking all 3 sciences and they've all been saying "once you get into university.. not alot of the courses require physics.. the main one would becoming an engineer and if you dont want to become and engineer then dont take it." Yah well I dont want to become an engineer haha, and I dont like physics AT ALL haha. Its kinda pushing me onto the side of "I dont want to take physics=)."

Here I am again then.. wondering about my future, and of course summer '07... people always ask me "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" It makes me think all the time, cause I keep changing my mind on what I want to become and all so who knows? anyways Im excited for summer though and what it'll bring this year. ok enough of my ranting for tonight=) bye.

EXTREMELY HAPPY

IM NOT MOVINGG. =D.

I'll Stand.

Its been awhile, I've been so busy with everything. School's been good, but busy; like I love science and all but I swear it is the most boring-est class EVER haha. Anyways, an update on my moving situation. Well the title of this blog is what it means like I'll stand, not rebelling but stand. I've stopped packing for the past week, and you know have been doing pretty much nothing, except enjoying calgary=) and the spring weather. Im definitely not ready to be leaving this city of mine, but in a way I feel like Im taking it into my own hands and not God's; but then God has put so many situations into my family these past few months its like a feeling of telling me to stay. So many situations have stopped my family from flying off, so hopefully I'll be able to stay=D. This is off topic though but my family still doesn't know that I lost my bible, they think I packed it in a box...haha... smooth.

Anyways, friends have been good, the pieces have been starting to fall back in place as Eva said=). I don't know though, I still feel anger down inside, but why? I thought I let it all go, but it is easier said than done. It's been hard, but I'am coping. Wow I started this blog like an hour ago and the time now is 9:42pm. I've been so distracted and busy that I would stop blogging every so often. Then I re-open this again and keep blogging..=) haha whats on my mind right now? EVERYTHING going from school to church to friends to family to everything thats in my life right now. Oh especially last night. They were good times, with them friends and golf courses=).

ok so Im back again and its 10:02pm. Ok what a blog... haha anyways see you at church tomorrow=) mm I want Timmy's tomorrow morning=).....bye haha.

Wow.

School's been so busy lately, I dont know I've been doing lots, report cards next week... my english teacher thinks I should either be in english honors or advanced placement because I find english really easy haha, having a 90%+ average in that class.. anyways science has been coming along nicely I'll say. We just finished chem and were doing physics now! haha. ok my life now; busy, hectic, and my decision should be one of my first priorities I guess but I made it one of my least. I just think that school and everything is more important right now.. well no but I just dont have time for it. All the studying and projects, I just dont have the time. ok as you can tell by what Im writing im pretty rushed right now too... so I have to head off now to go catch up on some B-I-B-L-E haha. well I didnt read this over... so I have no clue what it sounds like. ok I have to go now bye=).

Yup.

2 weeks left.... I want to go to YC though, If I convince my parents on letting me go to YC that means I cant move then, since YC is in May. Unless they want to fly me back just to go for the weekend haha, but my parents are too asian for that. Oh, well my dad started to ship off some stuff to the states... like my adidas shoes=O! I was so angry haha I miss them...=( anyways 2 weeks of mind boggling, to come up with a conclusion. So yes I'll keep on praying and definitely will be seeking. Thats my short little update right there=) talk soon again.

Here I am.

Im here, not happy nor angry anymore or sad, but content. Life's been fine, for now you know, no more dramatic news. Tanya's life has been content. School's been fine, family has been fine, friends have been fine, my walk with God has been fine. I need a upgrade on all that. I need it to be more than fine.. Im asking it to be good again, to be happy again, so I can be happy again. I have no regrets on anything still, I've got nothin' on you. Im fine.



=)

---

Emotionally Im broken in 2, spiritually Im still hanging on in there.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:13

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
Proverbs 17:17

Matt Redman: You Never Let Go

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let goIn every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go Lord,
You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You,
still I will praise You

I wanna cry my eyes out.

There's too much now..=( I seriously want to cry my eyes out.......... its over.. I really think its over. I never saw myself come to this point until now. You really did get me this time. You got me good. Its over k....