Saturday, January 27, 2007

what a day..

I had a pretty alright week. Skating last night was good as usual=). Came home, talked on the phone till 1am...went to sleep at 1:30am. Woke up at 7am, went to the mall with Hannah at 9:30am..shopped till 3:30pm. Im so dead right now. I still have to plan sunday school, plan junior church, and talk on the phone tonight before I go to sleep at 1am?..probably. Sigh what a day/week=).

Well I feel drained..physically and spiritually. My new years resolutions was to
1.) read the bible daily
2.) Save a friend/stranger, see them come to christ.

Yes, I only have 2, but its easier said than done. Well my first resolution..I've stuck too since Jan 1st, 07 but lately when I do read the bible before I head off to sleep, the words haven't been sinking in. I could sit there and read 3 chapters but nothing would stick into my mind. So then last night I tried really hard to focus on it, and let it go through me. Nothing was sticking though, thats when I went back to read my favourite verses..I have so many that I like but I always keep philippians 4:13 with me. I dont know though, like what is seriously on my mind?..I dont get it..what do I keep thinking about? Hope the lack of sleep isnt getting to me. I've been praying about it, over and over again..I guess this brings me back to a sunday school lesson of "God's timing". I could pray and pray and even pray my heart out, but my life is all through God's timing, not mine..so I could be waiting for the next few weeks to months even a year or so until I find out what's going on in my own life. Spiritually and emotionally.

I thought that I started this year with a good, strong, relationship with God, but I guess I had a few "problems" that put this relationship to the test..did I come out alright? Or did I come out with half of my faith gone?..Cause thats what it definetly feels like..I still believe and all that but what the? Oh wait...k I forgot to say that last week, these Jehovah Witness people came into my house=O! Yah they gave me a copy of their bible, titled as "The Mormon Bible". I dont know..is this a test God sent to me to see this if my relationship with him is that strong? Well its not like Im going to read it cause Im not. I also got awhole bunch of those brochures too. Also they called my house today and asked if I read their bible yet..and if I had any questions about their transcripts?...I hope I didnt offend them by saying "No..I havent read it and I wont..I dont know where it is..I could have lost it..but I heard that your religion is bad?" Yah now that I think back..it was something mean and rude to say but I really want to tell them to leave my family and I alone..they keep coming back to my house...once a week..I wonder if you can get restraining orders on these people?=). I think they need one...BADLY.

Now moving onto my 2nd resolution which I said I wanted to see someone come to Christ. I feel like I havent been trying hard enough on it. I pray every night to God to ask him to give me the courage and strength to do it, also the opportunities too. I get all the chances in the world, yet I still dont do anything. I can pray all I want but the relationship God and all of us have, is like a team right? Its all teamwork, and you dont shove all the work to one person but split the work evenly among both. So Im saying that Im praying and asking God to help me do this, and he's probably brought so many new people into my life this year already and yet I still haven't done anything. Im speaking, but I have no action coming out of me. Yah I can keep saying "I have 1 year to do this" but 1 year can go by really fast..like you wouldn't even know. I dont want to rush it either but if I know Im going to keep doing this..(is it procrastination?) then whats the chances Im actually going to pull through and do it? Seriously though..what am I doing to myself now?

Is this a test, to test my faith?...

4 comments:

Geo said...

Your resolutions are awesome Tanya. Your first one is something I need to get back to. Your second one... is one that I've always been afraid of praying for. For similar reasons as what you have pointed out... would I be able to do it, or will I get so bashed in that my faith all but disappears? It's a tough thing to do... but God will be your strength and you'll come through it. :P

Also, be wary of the enemies lies. Perhaps you passed the test, perhaps your shield of faith is much larger than you thought... but the enemy is telling you that it isn't.. and that it's useless. Well, it's a LIE. Don't listen to them. !!

lito_e said...

Bestfriend,
It sure is, it sure is a test, when will i become happy again? perhaps i just need to look on the bright side? where oh where did Eva go?
love and miss you. .

Havok said...

Remember Tans, it's not YOU that saves people...it's GOD :)

All you can do is utilize the opportunities to tell others about God. You might only plant a seed in their hearts but it may be someone else down the road who waters the seed into a plant and thus the unbeliever becoming a Christian :)

Just do your part!! :)

tanyakwongg said...

ahh so many things to re-think over now...=S...thanks for the encouraging words;bestfriend, geo, and kingss=).