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Emotionally Im broken in 2, spiritually Im still hanging on in there.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:13

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
Proverbs 17:17

Matt Redman: You Never Let Go

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let goIn every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go Lord,
You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You,
still I will praise You

I wanna cry my eyes out.

There's too much now..=( I seriously want to cry my eyes out.......... its over.. I really think its over. I never saw myself come to this point until now. You really did get me this time. You got me good. Its over k....

Lost a friend through it all...

Wow I can't believe you threw away all that you've been working for, up to now, 15 years in the making. I really thought you'd be here for me, but I was wrong. You were a good friend to me, a bestfriend at one point, then a close friend, and thats when we drifted, Im sorry you had to go through this, but it was the only thing I had to do. I didn't want to hurt you by telling you so I didn't. Im sorry, but always remember, I have no regrets on you or all that we had. You can pull as many stunts on me if you want, you can even say I deserve it... just remember though whatever and all that you do, you did it. I didn't pressure you into it. I'll miss our phone conversations, and all the summer memories, but I guess as we both did head our separate ways after summer 06 its the best for both of us. To me it feels as if we drifted too much that we dont even know who we are anymore.

I cant even sit beside you and talk to you about anything anymore, were both like strangers to each other now. I hate to admit it, but its the truth and you and I cant run or hide from it. Our friendship has been over for quite sometime now, but I guess I kept thinking that you'll always pull through as my better half. Maybe you were tired of me going out with all my "new friends" and leaving you. I do admit to that but there's no need to bring them into this. I know it'll be hard, for me it definitely will be, and sunday I guess was the last straw for you. You couldn't take it anymore... you might actually think me moving is the best thing for you, so we don't have to be in the same room as each other. Im sorry for all the faults and stupid mistakes I made but as we grow older we both change, people change, friends change.

You know who you are.

What's left of me...

Wow, I've been through awhole lot this week. I swear I've been to heaven and back... life has been insanely stressful to the point where I think that no matter what I do I really dont care. I hope Im not losing myself in there. To me I guess it's an internal conflict with myself right now, there's so many thoughts going through my mind right now and all I've been doing is either going against it or fighting it back, to hold it off. Like right now I feel like I want to accomplish everything I've ever wanted to do, and not look back to have any regrets. I dont know really what I want right now, life has been a definite rollercoaster ride, and it seems like Im never getting off of it.

Im getting so tired of everything happening around me...

What's left of me...

Wow, I've been through awhole lot this week. I swear I've been to heaven and back... life has been insanely stressful to the point where I think that no matter what I do I really dont care. I hope Im not losing myself in there. To me I guess it's an internal conflict with myself right now, there's so many thoughts going through my mind right now and all I've been doing is either going against it or fighting it back, to hold it off. Like right now I feel like I want to accomplish everything I've ever wanted to do, and not look back to have any regrets. I dont know really what I want right now, life has been a definite rollercoaster ride, and it seems like Im never getting off of it.

Im getting so tired of everything happening around me...

Is this my answer?

Ok so everyone knows I've been praying for the longest time now and everyone else has been too=) definitely thankful for you guys...thank you. So in conclusion haha, this leaves me wondering with what Im doing. Well Im not sure about this answer, but alot has been happening in my family..mm drama wise. Not that dramatic but drama as in drama haha. Ok well drama as in my very very very elderly 95 year old grandma got beat up by some lady in a nursing home=O. So my grandma's in a hospital right now, which leaves my family and I to stay for an extra few weeks till my grandma heals. Which also means bye bye plane tickets! Which also means Im right and my dad's wrong... haha in a way it does.

So Im here for another 2-3 weeks or so until my grandma heals. Then something else happened in my family too which is kinda dragging the whole moving situation down. That leaves me wondering on "Is this the answer God is telling me? Or is it just something thats a coincidence?" So good and bad in a way. Good because Im here for another few weeks praying my heart out on where I should be headed too, and bad because of my grandma and the family situation going on.

Now that I've said it all out...my family seems even more messed up and confused than before. Oh man what a life this is=/.

?

8 days to go.....

It happened again...

Here we go again. I saw it again. It came back again. The flashbacks, and the memories, that last moment I saw them all together. Next thing I see is the funeral...my friends...gone forever. I dont know, but once in awhile..I see them again....I didnt talk much about this so you know. This happened about 4 months ago, I started highschool on a rough start. I lost 3 friends within those first 2 months of school. Ever since then I keep seeing the flash backs...I keep seeing them and that scene replaying over and over again in my head. Its not going away, because I know I wont see my friends again. They weren't saved.

My life has been pretty drama filled. I dont know things haven't been going as planned...I still have 14 more days....just 14 more days before who knows where I'll be going? sigh. Im definitely not ready to leave this city of mine. I dont know it seems like my dad's "determined" to move... my dad's so stubborn. Ahhhh I dont know Im still praying...and still waiting for the answer, it feels like a ticking time bomb. Well hopefully these 5 days off I can catch up with thee besties, and some fam too. Bible study this friday...must find bible.....=/. Off to dinner, bye.

Not coo.

You know what's not cool, when someone thinks its a funny joke to leave "New York fries" on my doorstep with a note saying "I hope the fries in New York taste better!" thats not funny. I was...very upset about it I guess. sigh oh well...I'll find out who did it.....just like I'll find my bible too haha. ok off to facebook now....too many blogs.. bye.

=S

I dont know what to do or feel anymore? Should I stay or should I go? If I stay I'll have all my friends and half of my family, if I go..I'll have new friends and new people in my life. I love Calgary..kinda=). Well I love the people, I love thee bestfriends, I love the bbtea from chinatown every week=). I'll definetly miss it all. Im so confused, but sad I guess....?


Should I stay or should I go?....

=(

I DONT WANT TO MOVE...I LOVE YOU LURKERS AND BESTFRIENDS. I GREW UP WITH YOU CHURCH CREEPERS=(.

Saturday night

Im getting nervous...as sunday morning draws closer and closer...=/ oh man..junior church..am I really ready? I planned out my whole lesson and all that, but am I really ready? haha. Last night at YAC during the prayer groups, that was my prayer request, and people are praying for me. Im thankful for that, and also what Nathan said to me too last night. "Well Its good that your doing alot at church, its just training to help you as you grow older, because I started out doing JFK and here I'am now...almost retiring as a YAC leader haha, Im glad to see you grow up into where you are today." So yah I'am glad too, but I dont know. It will be a good experience and I'am looking forward to it..just nervous haha. School has been good=) I aced my first science test, Im pretty proud of myself..well you know I LOVE science so haha. As for my other classes I'll say their "good" haha. Ok well foods now..my teacher's kinda weird. She makes so many different expressions, that its hard to listen and pay attention, cause everyone's looking at all the different expressions she makes haha. I wonder if she notices or not?

Then there's my art teacher. He's even weirder than my foods teacher. He keeps this huge jar in the front of the class and he's like "Every morning when you come to class, make sure you drop off your change into this jar" and were like "what's it for?" and he's like "I've had this jar since 1975, and all this money will be sent to Africa to save a hectare of land." and were like "oh...so all that has been sitting there since 1977?" and he's like "YES, do you people have a beeping problem?!? why are you spoiled beeping so greedy?! why don't you give back to the other beeping side of the world?!" People say he's like that because he's so old. (Into his mid 70's) We always wonder why doesn't he retire?...his answer "I love to teach people like you." haha through all that "profanity" he uses with us..he actually likes us deep down=).

Ok well now Im just planning ahead. I was thinking of taking summer school this summer...my dad said it would be good. Either school or a job this summer? haha. Well my report card came with my final marks. Its good, not as good as I wanted it to be but Im satisfied. Well my math teacher from last semester was actually not a real "10 pure math teacher" =O. Well I kinda found out half way through the semester, and i started to teach myself haha. Now Im wondering..should I take 10 pure this summer again? I got my credits, I understand it, but my mark wasn't an 80...my final mark. She's a nice person and all that, but not that good of a teacher, teaching 10/20 applied, math 24...all that. She reccomends us to take 10 pure again..but should I waste my time this summer taking a course that I already got my credits and all that in? Or should I rather be taking 20 pure or physics, biology or chem?...I really want BIO!! haha. Yes I LOVE science but you already know=).

Ok enough of my schooling and back to msn=) haha. Oh and please pray for me about my junior church lesson tomorrow. Nervous but definetly worth it, Im ready to take the world by storm! haha. See you tomorrow at church..well you can find me in the basement haha. Bye.